gng to sleep now...
feeling melancholy and tt i jus had to put it on.
so there...
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
i dont remember ever being faithful
to something long enough to make it worthwhile...
was remembering just now ...
everythings a blur now...
not now as in today, or this week, or this month
but this season.... an undefined period of time...
maybe for the past year or so...
or more of a ... more like looking at everything through
frosted glass....
Theres a part of me than i have conveniently denied i think,
perhaps too vehemently...
its quite ironic reallie,
that i think...
i have learned hypocrisy well...
twas wat i detested most once upon a time.
aiys.. i realise this is not too readable shall spare u the pain
ja ne ( c u later)
to something long enough to make it worthwhile...
was remembering just now ...
everythings a blur now...
not now as in today, or this week, or this month
but this season.... an undefined period of time...
maybe for the past year or so...
or more of a ... more like looking at everything through
frosted glass....
Theres a part of me than i have conveniently denied i think,
perhaps too vehemently...
its quite ironic reallie,
that i think...
i have learned hypocrisy well...
twas wat i detested most once upon a time.
aiys.. i realise this is not too readable shall spare u the pain
ja ne ( c u later)
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
oh well, il try to put somethin on despit my frustration.
No offence to blogspot, thx for the free svc...
***
well.. here we are now,....
end of the 2nd semester of university life... sophomore yr if u will...
cant say it hasnt been long, yet its been real fast...
i could very well be moving into my final year of school life for good...
scary thought.
anyway...
i kept this thought in my mind for past day or so..
cant remember the details but i realise wat i have predominantly
been feeling for the season
fear
i cant remember wat i wanted to elaborate on
but tts the key.
its ironic that i think that now, more than ever in my life
i have it "together"
i know more, but see less...
i live more, but feel less
i do more but am less.
its defn got a lot to do with how am i with the Man up there
the sender of the Son.
its funny really.
i am motivated by fear.
cant remember how.
lemme think.
anyway...
i sense that i am not the person i was when i entered NUS
perhaps abit of a truism,
but the emphasis is deserved.
this is not me
but it is at the same time.
yes... it is the fear of
not being with people.
of having nothin to do.
ironic considering i am sorta rather comfortable with solitude
or so i think>?
the mind moves quickly at times
the fear-
being at fong seng by myself,
i order a teh - o...
they dun have mutton steak, which i really felt like at the time
the time btw is ard 2am i recall...
i think-" dun let ppl think im a loser who doesnt have any1 to lim teh wif"
" what r they thinking this chap onli order a drink no food"
i keep looking ard occuping myself, justifying my existence-
i look at the lights....
i light a cigarette... a momentary saviour-
i am drinking tea and having a smoke break...
bbut the tea lasts longer than the cigarette and my brain is stil driving on
top speed...
social paranoia?
oh well...
but niet- i realise tt no-one reallie cares i know tt intellectually
i remind myself no-one reallie cares
but y do i i try to be nonchalant abt it?
relax guys i'm not breaking down...
this is me- a little abit of my world,
raw and uncut- tho a little more spiced up by the writer in me..
luv u all lots
(more on love next time perhaps yes?)
No offence to blogspot, thx for the free svc...
***
well.. here we are now,....
end of the 2nd semester of university life... sophomore yr if u will...
cant say it hasnt been long, yet its been real fast...
i could very well be moving into my final year of school life for good...
scary thought.
anyway...
i kept this thought in my mind for past day or so..
cant remember the details but i realise wat i have predominantly
been feeling for the season
fear
i cant remember wat i wanted to elaborate on
but tts the key.
its ironic that i think that now, more than ever in my life
i have it "together"
i know more, but see less...
i live more, but feel less
i do more but am less.
its defn got a lot to do with how am i with the Man up there
the sender of the Son.
its funny really.
i am motivated by fear.
cant remember how.
lemme think.
anyway...
i sense that i am not the person i was when i entered NUS
perhaps abit of a truism,
but the emphasis is deserved.
this is not me
but it is at the same time.
yes... it is the fear of
not being with people.
of having nothin to do.
ironic considering i am sorta rather comfortable with solitude
or so i think>?
the mind moves quickly at times
the fear-
being at fong seng by myself,
i order a teh - o...
they dun have mutton steak, which i really felt like at the time
the time btw is ard 2am i recall...
i think-" dun let ppl think im a loser who doesnt have any1 to lim teh wif"
" what r they thinking this chap onli order a drink no food"
i keep looking ard occuping myself, justifying my existence-
i look at the lights....
i light a cigarette... a momentary saviour-
i am drinking tea and having a smoke break...
bbut the tea lasts longer than the cigarette and my brain is stil driving on
top speed...
social paranoia?
oh well...
but niet- i realise tt no-one reallie cares i know tt intellectually
i remind myself no-one reallie cares
but y do i i try to be nonchalant abt it?
relax guys i'm not breaking down...
this is me- a little abit of my world,
raw and uncut- tho a little more spiced up by the writer in me..
luv u all lots
(more on love next time perhaps yes?)
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